Dangerous Habits..

Talking about habits. I believe that since I am stuck in this distorted reality that I create inside my head, humans around me are like characters in TV. I feel little connection whatsoever with anyone even with my closest of close friends. In this ignorant world of mine, as I watch people around me live their life, it's almost like watching a movie.

It's hard to know when had I created this functional world of my own that leads me to being ultimately functional in the outside but dangerously dysfunctional in the inside.

Maybe becoz I experienced a lot of pain and altho they are healed, the way I react to things are almost automatic. To live, u gotta almost not care what people think about you, which is why i hardly get affected with insults by anyone anymore.

But the negative thing is, as I close the tunnel of insults, I also closed the tunnel of advices. None of anyone's advice really sticks in my mind. It comes and goes. I hardly agree in my head that someone else's opinion is better than mine.

It's an act. I am, myself is a character when I am with people. When they look at me, they are convinced they can read all about me because humans are so easily tricked by giving them a false reaction to things.

I have lived long enuff to know what to do to look innocent, to look troubled, to look successful, to look naive that in the end I ended up deceiving a lot of people with my emotions.

So I guess it has become a habit.

A Dangerous Habit.... And the consequence is deadly because as for now, the only person who truly knows the real me is me.

T.T

Momentum

I feel that I am so lazy and so uninitiated that I think I do not deserve to feel happy about myself at all but I do. I am comfortable with who I am altho it's nearer to ignorance than entitlement.

Past 2 days I have decided that going out is better than staying home, doing something is better than doing nothing, eending the day feeling tired is better than feeling energized.

I have a lot of fears. Biggest is failure to fail altho I have taken so many risks in life. I feel that I have stopped taking massive risks becoz of the failures I have experienced.

I decided, I have to continue taking risks even if I fail even more becoz life without risks is unmomentous. It is stuck in its idle inertia.

Thus, this is my resolve for new year altho it's already mid-Jan. I dont care becoz for me, everyday is the same. It's still 24 hours altho it's Raya or New Year or whateva.

So, who the F cares....

Anger is the best medicine

Sometimes I feel like an idiot becoz I think idiots like me are the one who constantly get things wrong and do idiotic things.

Since I have pretty much been through a lot in my age, I think I have to treat each and every idiotic thing as normal and should solve the problems, not think about the idiotic consequences of a problem.

Life is like my poker chips. When i lose them, i can get them back but I need to be patient and not be crazy like Crazy Frog and go ding ding ding all the way to Japan and China slapping Pimsleur in the face.

SO I need to suppress all the anger that I feel when I do an idiot thing and use it in the right and left direction so that the idiot train will stop and go back to the correct station.

Diving into the mind of Tiger Woods

Being an avid sports fan (i'm the laziest sports fan ever), it's hard to ignore the recent hot topic of Tiger WoodyWood Pecker..

Although golf is probably more boring than tennis (which is why I watch tennis more), Tiger makes it more exciting by at least 70% with his Nadal-like manner and Federer-like shot-making. I mean, the guy can hit a small freaking sign board 100 yards away with a ball so small it's almost inconceivable that you can control it the way he does.

And recently, he made it even more exciting with his recent sex scandal.

I mean, the guy is blessed. I watched ET at channel 5 recently and Forbes put him 2nd in the most rich celebrity. That's more than Mr. Beckham and Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. He only lost to Oppsrah HouseWifery.

I mean. the guy freaking owns in life. Rich, golf, fame and last but not least. He has a freaking pretty and cute and stunning and beautiful supermodel wife, Elin.

WTF man, and 1 car accident and all hell broke lose. It is now widely accepted that he had freaking 10 alleged mistresses.

WTF is wrong with this guy. His wife is all that a man could ask for and she owns all his mistresses by a mile.

http://blog.taragana.com/e/2009/12/08/tiger-woods-10-alleged-mistresses-photos-and-video-recap-67836/

Just watch the link above and compare urself. Dhuhhhh.....

Oh wait, I'm not a multi-billionaire golfer so I might be speaking from a normal man's view. But still, it's a lil bit hard to accept this.

Maybe when u have so much money, this is what happens. Girls fall on your lap with a finger-snap and your wife swings a golf club at your expensive vehicle in your 17M mansion.

Talk about having too much.

TOO MUCH OF SUMTHING IS BAD ENUFF-Spice Girl

Life's automatic

I think nowadays I think my life is automatic. I just set out things I wanna do and try to achieve.

I dare not wander around the deeper side of things anymore. Although it is the thing that makes me weird and unique, I do not want to be a 'Vincent Van Gogh' anymore. I just want to be Ben Stiller. A comedian. Makes ppl laugh and relate to people.

I think life is good enough to have something to achieve.

a) Money
b) Girls

Competition is fun but you can never be no.1 in everything. You can be a very good one in something but you must have a god-gifted talent to be no.1.

So I'll just continue doing my missions and pressing the throttle. Just put to gear D and just drive.

No need to change gear.

Just D... until you reach a traffic light. Then Stop but then it's back to D....

iDiot....

Poker Brat Rant

It's been long since I have something to complain. After all, this is complaining blog. So. I really need to have something to complain. Actually, lots of things have happened that should have been complained but I just feel that I have grown up a lot to complain about everything.

Anyway, I just feel sick right now. I feel like I have migrated to Bellagio casino in Las Vegas and had taken up professional poker-playing. Yes. The Texas Hold'em Poker application in Facebook is as addictive as gambling is.

What makes this game even more addictive is that we play without using our own money. So, even if you lost 3.3Million chips in one night like I did, who the F cares anyway. But losing money is just part of the danger of compulsive gambling which is non-existant by playing with no real money.

YES. Only the tip of the iceberg as far as I am concerned. There's 2 more things that it makes one lose. It is TIME and SANITY.

Let me elaborate on the life of me, Alberto Ramzi aka Idiot from Northern Europe aka Renaissance man from Western California in the past 3 weeks.

Every extra time I have after studying or doing homework whateva is spent on gambling. In fact, I dunno if I have learnt anything in the past 3 weeks. What an idiotic stint I had. Shambolic performance from a human being. But this is all part of the devil's agenda. YES. F-ing 'game of luck'.

I am taking steps to stop this seemingly unstoppable habit. I am puting time cap now. Freaking time cap. 4 hours only on this lame game. 4 hours?. Sounds long but when u play this freaking game it, time flies like chicken wings fly from the KFC microwave. Hours felt like seconds. In fact, Days feel like seconds when u play this devilish game. WHAT THE FREAKING F is WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Lucky' it's not real money. Yes, it's not. But since it's not real money, the agony of loss is halved so you almost can't stop. Your sanity hangs by a thin thread. Your IQ is irrelevant now. It goes down like the stock markets. Brain cells get destroyed every minute.

This 'disease' is no more a negligible one. It is spreading through my life like a flesh-eating virus. The pain is unfelt but the lost of vital organs must be a major signal for me to stop. But no, somehow losing your hands and feet is passed for the feeling of ecstasy of winning.

I've finally have woken up. Or have I? Maybe just 10% but it's a miracle already.

R.I.P. Ace.Kings.Queens.Jacks. 10.9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,

Theory of Texas Hold'ur Mom

I have 2 accounts. But I never transfer money between them because I know people that get banned having 2 accounts. Actually, having 2 accounts is no crime. The crime is transferring money between these 2 accounts. And the only way you'll get detected is transferring using the same IP address. So say you have an active IP address that changes everytime, this will not detected.

There's a rule that prevent people from benefiting from the send chips button.

1) A player can only receive maximum 100k chips for some period

2) A player can give maximum 500k ( I can only give 1k more using the Koharu account which means I have sent 499k to frens LOL)

So, although u can 'send chips' between accounts using different IPs, it doesn't matter because 100k does not guarantee you'll get high. You still have to win.

Here's the tip of getting a lot and I am not the only one who says this, all the people I ask in there said the same thing.

PLAY AT HIGHER TABLES.

Dont worry if you lose a few times, you just need to win ONE BIG POT and that's it. After you win that BIG POT, stand up and buy in with a lower amount so that you don't lose all that chips you won and STOP when you start losing a lot. Just make sure everytime you go to a table:-

1) win more than ur original amount
2) lose little than ur normal amount
3) never goes down too much

Just 1 win is all that is needed.