Feeling helpless for a night

Can't sleep. What's in my mind? So many things... Love? Tennis? Liverpool? Koharu? ... SO many things in my head... My brain is like a DVD player.. keep repeating the same story over and over again... The same images over and over again... For 1 month, everything is going well. Met a lot of new friends....prepared well for the exams.... made a lot of money....Re-built my relationship with the family on my mother's side... In short, was a good month for me....

After all that positive things, I made a theory that I should interact more with people because every person has a story and I like to hear people's stories... I need not read from the internet... Just need to talk to more and more people.... But after a month of pushing myself to talk to new people and getting deeper in the conversation with them, I realized that there's a negative side in everyone... Sometimes the negative side overwhelms the positive side... Most people will only show their positive side to us which is the smartest thing to do...

I see my dad do it all the time... In front of his friends, he is the most positive person on planet Earth... But behind the scenes, sometimes I see his prejudice, dissatisfaction, hatred on some things which probably means I am the closest person to my father at the moment.. Mom a lil bit busy... It is the right thing to just show that you are a very humble, positive person in front of new people but HOW LONG can u maintain this? HOW LONG? Depends on people. Some people can maintain this all the time and some can just maintain it as long as the guest stay at his house and some just show their dark side which happens if you do not care to make friends with someone or the person you met is known to you as a person tolerant of negative things...

I wish I am a simple person... But being complicated is what I am.. This is what I am... Some people see the beauty of it... Some people see that it's ridiculous...Personally I do not care much just as long as it's not my parents' opinion... Yes, their opinion matter to me... They brought me into this world... Other people?... Not so much... I care about people but what people say I do not really care especially if it's a subjective thing.... If Faizal Tahir care so much about what people say about him about his stripping, will he be able to still show his face? No... You cant hear too much about other people.. Important is balance...

Suddenly I thought that maybe it's time for me to get a girl. Because I think I need to share my thoughts with someone close who I can trust and who understands me. Maybe I talk about everything with my dad but maybe only 60%. I dont talk about the bad things I have done or he might get mad. My friends, I dont think anyone knew me even close to 50%, not that I blame them. So who can I share 100% of me? Yes, a girl I can trust. A girl I am going to spend my life with. No. I am not desperate. After breaking up with my ex, I have figured out so many ways to be happy being single and also developed fear to having relationship with a girl. Maybe I am over that phase. I think so. I can barely remember her face now. She will remain as a princess in my heart which I happen to meet accidentally and fell in love accidentally and broke up accidentally.

Yup. I think it's time to move on. So much ahead of me. Feeling the momentum at my side. I dont want it to go away. But momentum can be disrupted when we encounter something shocking. Something unexpected. Like when I read NANAB post on a woman killing a cat with her shoes. How can a human act like an animal? I FEEL HELPLESS. What can we do when human go this low? Not a lot.

One of the scene in Dark Knight is a conversation between Bruce Wayne and Alfred. Here's what the dialogue I googled

Alfred Pennyworth: A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

SOME MEN JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN!!! Hope I can survive this type of people.. ^^.. Time to sleep...