Muhasabah Prinsip Diri

Had a conversation with my pren about some things and the fren questioned my beliefs for my desire to beat my ex's bf. Thanks to some misleading information given by me, she thought I want to get back my ex. Not really true. I just do it as a motivation for me to work hard and set high standard. It is just a way to 'bakar' myself.

I am naturally a very unambitious guy. I just want to learn as much as I can on as many topics as I can. Maybe a lil bit psycho like Orochimaru who wants to know all jutsu. It was like that b4 I met the girl. But then after I broke up, I thought of how to change this negative energy that caused me to become a lil bit (actually a lot) of unstability. So at that moment, I tot I just want to beat this guy in terms of achievement which I probably could not but after a long time, I think it's a good awakening from my slumber of just gaining knowledge without direction and purpose.

So for me, it's just an extra motivation. Not that I will do anything at whatever cost to beat the guy. If I was so desperate, I would have sold drugs or steal. So I just treat this as a motivation.

But I feel that maybe I gave the impression that I have a bad motive. Yes, we want to be successful kerana ALLAH. I learn a lot all becoz I was told that learning is an IBADAH. But maybe I let the girl influenced me. Maybe this is a test of faith. Would I do bad things becoz of the pain caused by her?

Ahhhh... I always have idea to blog when I feel not so happy. When happy, I dun have idea. This is the COMPLAINING THERAPY blog anyway. ^^