Dangerous Habits..

Talking about habits. I believe that since I am stuck in this distorted reality that I create inside my head, humans around me are like characters in TV. I feel little connection whatsoever with anyone even with my closest of close friends. In this ignorant world of mine, as I watch people around me live their life, it's almost like watching a movie.

It's hard to know when had I created this functional world of my own that leads me to being ultimately functional in the outside but dangerously dysfunctional in the inside.

Maybe becoz I experienced a lot of pain and altho they are healed, the way I react to things are almost automatic. To live, u gotta almost not care what people think about you, which is why i hardly get affected with insults by anyone anymore.

But the negative thing is, as I close the tunnel of insults, I also closed the tunnel of advices. None of anyone's advice really sticks in my mind. It comes and goes. I hardly agree in my head that someone else's opinion is better than mine.

It's an act. I am, myself is a character when I am with people. When they look at me, they are convinced they can read all about me because humans are so easily tricked by giving them a false reaction to things.

I have lived long enuff to know what to do to look innocent, to look troubled, to look successful, to look naive that in the end I ended up deceiving a lot of people with my emotions.

So I guess it has become a habit.

A Dangerous Habit.... And the consequence is deadly because as for now, the only person who truly knows the real me is me.

T.T