Confusion...

Love is a funny thing and to me, is a painful thing. Funnily enough, the ones you want the most is the most dangerous to go after.

And also when the person u love also loves u, they feel the same thing and negative emotion like jealousy, uncertainty are amplified greatly even with micro gestures.

As I love her so much, I am also very afraid to stare at her for too long as I am scared that I may even fall in love deeper.

And my way of doing this, is to act cool altho in my head it's chaos as I try to contain my desire to just have her in my arms.

As a result, I dont look at her and try my best to look towards other things in the surroundings and on occasions, try to be friendly with other girls to reduce my overwhelming affection for her.

And she gets angry and as much as I want to explain to her the weird mechanism that my weird mind adopts, I cant.

I am numb with her. My IQ drops so much when I am with her.

So she began hating me for my actions and it hurts.

It's so painful. I hate this. I wish I never meet someone like this who I would fall in love.

I just wish this will end. It's too heavy. I should just meet someone I can live with and not someone I cant live without.

Because when the feeling is too intense, it's excruciating when jealousy, uncertainty emerges.

So much that it's life-threatening...